A little bit of my heart...

I read this today, and I liked it.

About a week after Christmas, I was in a pretty dark place.  I felt exhausted, burnt out and a little depressed.  I think that is normal that time of year - trying to keep up with all the obligations, expectations, social events and being out of our normal rhythm.  My stomach felt very tight, tense and under a great amount of pressure.  I doubted a lot.  I doubted myself.

In these moments of great doubt and a bit of darkness, what's a mother to do?

Well... I finally cracked.  I laid on my bed, face down in tears, cried and explained to Josh how I was feeling.  I felt better after that and moved forward.

A few nights ago, I met with a friend and shared those dark moments with her.

She suggested I sit in quiet, RELAX, and with my journal and pencil ask - "God, what next?  What do You think?" and then write.

There are moments when I feel like I'm failing - my passion turns to pressure - I can't figure out how to fix something - or I'm just in a tired, exhausted, burnt out place.  It's good to know that I don't have to have it all figured out.  It's ok if I don't know what I'm doing.  There's Someone much, much bigger that is in charge.

He knows my special needs and the special needs my children possess!

This mother is choosing to sit down, RELAX and ask Him - "What next?  What do You think?"

By leaning on Him, keeping my face pointing forward, I will put one foot in front of the other, filled with peace that only comes from following Him.

If I lean on my own understanding and the ways of the world, I will live and mother in a dark place.

On my own, I don't know what I'm doing.  But I follow a great Leader who continues to equip and inspire me to be the mother He wants me to be.

Passion does not equal Perfection.

I think it's pretty clear through this blog and my non-reader friends and family that I'm pretty passionate about mothering, education and home management.

Passionate, I am!

A sweet little friend of mine texted me several days ago and asked to meet.  She said she felt like she was "failing as a mother" and wanted to get together.  I texted back and said, "Yes!  I'd love to meet, but just so you know... you are not failing as a mother."

We met a few nights ago, and it was so encouraging to sit with another mom with a full plate, just like mine.  We shared some resources and ideas with each other, shared stories, encouraged each other, and just sighed, smiled and laughed at moments.

At one point, I started feeling like I was being looked upon like I had it all together.  I looked at her and said something like, "I'm passionate about all of this stuff, but I want you to know - I'm not perfect.  My house is not perfect.  My kids are not perfect.  Even with all of these procedures and routines in place, my house still blows up at times.  My kids makes messes, throw fits, rebel, poop pants, pee the bed and wear me out."

I struggle too.

Some days, I feel like I'm failing too.

I am weak.  I melt down.  I struggle.  I need God.  I need a village.

I think it's ok to be passionate, but that doesn't mean it's going to be perfect.

I want to be passionate and peaceful!

I want to be passionate about mothering, education and our home.  I want to RELAX in the moments that create pressure in my stomach.  I want to feel peace and glorify God through it all.

Passionate, I am.

Perfect, I am not.

Peaceful, I want to be.

My word for 2012...

I've chosen my word for 2012 - 1 word that I want to focus on throughout the new year - my motto for the year.

I spent all of yesterday praying about it - continually throughout the day.

There were a few words that continued to come to mind, but there was 1 word that continued to give me peace.  Maybe it's because Ian pooped in his underwear 2 times yesterday, and I'm currently feeling a bit drained and burnt out as a Mother, Wife, Teacher and Homemaker.  Whatever the reasons, I've decided on my word!

My word for 2012 is...

RELAX

I challenge you to choose a word.

What will be your motto for 2012?

Think about it and leave a comment to let me know.  :)

Please don't leave me...

Hello there!  :)

Something usually happens over long breaks... I spend very little time on the computer - which leads to very little blogging!  But man, I miss it.  I love to write and record.

Our winter break was filled with lots of festivities, celebrating, staying up late and sleeping in.

I have so much on my heart and mind to share.  So, get ready.

Please check in a lot this week!

I hope your Christmas season was wonderful.  :)

Do not be afraid...

Do not be afraid of fits.
Do not be afraid of messes.
Do not be afraid of hard work.

I am a Mother...

There will be fits.  There will be messes.  There will be hard work.

I once read somewhere, "If your kids never throw fits, you're not saying no enough!"

I believe the fit is fine.  It's what follows the fit that's important.  My response.  The child's response.

I believe a mess is fine - Are they learning?  Are they being creative?  Are they helping clean up?

I believe hard work is to be expected - and nothing less - from all involved.

I will do my best - each day - to remain confident, consistent and calm in my heart - in the midst of fits, messes and hard work.  Although, some moments I really am afraid!  :)  In those moments, I bring my focus back to the mission - calm, Myah, calm.  Our Children's Pastor once shared, "Calm is power!"  Calm is my continual goal.

I have so little time.

I am a Mother on a Mission - hear me roar!

Happy Birthday to Myah...

 Well, at the age of 32 - this is what my life looks like.

I have been blessed with 3 children - 2 beautiful daughters and then 1 handsome son, our icing on the cake.  My life is very full and busy.  

My top 3 priorities:  my God, my husband, my children.  My friends and family are #4!

To sum it up, "We're raising a family.  We're knee deep in it!"

I love:  life - all things natural.

I really don't like:  chaos - lack of peace.

 I have been married to this man for nearly 10 years - and I really would choose him all over again - if I were searching for a husband today.  Josh, you are an inspiration to me.

I am healthy, happy and just flat out grateful - at the age of 32.

Oh, Dear Heavenly Father... where do I even begin?  Thank YOU for the 32 years I have been blessed with so far and for all the blessings YOU have poured out to us.  I look forward to many more years on Earth - and I promise YOU - I'll do my best to make this world a brighter place and continue worshiping YOU until the day I leave.  I'll just stop at thank YOU - thank YOU.  Amen

Hospitality...

it isn't about impressing others -

It's about blessing others.

I attend a MOPS group at our church two Thursdays a month.  I love MOPS!

We usually have a speaker, do a craft, spend time is discussion groups and eat!  The time goes really fast, and I always desire investing more into existing relationships or getting to know a new friend better!

So, I've been doing a little something.  I try to ask 1 or a few ladies to come over to our home afterwards and visit for another hour or so.

But, here's the deal.  MOPS mornings are busy in this home!  Thursdays are my days to drive all the school aged kids (in our cul-de-sac) to school - so I have to have Ian and Halle in the car, dressed, fed and ready for MOPS by 8:45 - Sophie needs to be fed and ready for a full day of 1st grade - and 3 other neighbor boys jump into the van - and we're off!  There's often a few other random items that need to be loaded up into the van for MOPS - food, diaper bag, and other miscellaneous items for the meeting.  And the big kicker is... my home is often left in a bit of a mess.  Breakfast dishes may be on the table or in the sink, crumbs are on the floor, the beds probably didn't get made, the bathroom most likely has toothpaste in the sink and I'm sure someone forgot to flush!  We are all movin' to make it out the door by 8:45!

We try to have most of our chores done by Wednesday, but these friends are most certainly coming into our home at one of it's most cluttered times.

So why on Earth would I invite friends over into our home in that state?!  This may be the first time someone has seen our home - their first impression.

This is what I tell myself:

• Hospitality is not about impressing others - It's about blessing others.
• If I wait until my home is perfect, hosting others would never happen.
• At certain times of the day, our home is more cluttered than others.  That's ok.
• I want to have a home in which people feel comfortable, blessed and want to return.
• I don't want people worried about impressing me and impressing others is just too stressful.
• I'm a bit of a perfectionist, so this is great therapy for me!  :)
• I believe we are called to be hospitable.
• Relationships are my top priority - that's it.

What about you?  What are some of your hospitality tips?

smiles...

Josh and I were sitting together reading through this blog, laughing, smiling (and maybe tearing up a bit) and looking at pictures.  We said to each other, "We don't want to look back at these memories, stories and pictures - 10 years from now - and hope that we enjoyed this time more.  NOW is the time to enjoy!"   Josh said, "This gives me hope!"

When I say "NOW" I mean wherever we are NOW - big kids, little kids, no kids - find joy.

I'm so happy I take the time to record our journey as a family, finding joy in the little moments and being filled with hope as we read through our life together.

These are the challenges I've issued to myself:
1.  Commit to finding joy.
2.  Commit to recording.
3.  Commit to passing it on.

These commitments remind me of my friend's business - Stonemarkers

May the Lord bless you and keep you and fill YOU with joy in your journey - whatever that may be.

Shopping with my children...

 
is not something I love - which I'm sure is a normal feeling - with children at the ages of 7, 5 and 2.  I usually have a very strategic list and coupons, that I really need to focus on.

But... I always tell myself, "If I don't expose them to situations in which they need to grow, how will they ever grow?"  If I never take my children to the store with me, they'll never learn how to act at the store.

So, the other night - I took Sophie with me - the 7 year old.  Before we walked in - I said, "Now, you will not ask for everything.  I have a list made, and we'll get what's on the list.  Understand?"  "Yes!"  she replied - and she was excited to be with me - alone!

So, off we went!

She did a great job not asking for things (for today), but this is what she did:

"Mom, can I have this for my birthday?"
"Mom, can Halle have this for Christmas?"
"Mom, can we get this next time?"
"Oh, Mom, you would never let us get this!"

She WAS doing what I asked her NOT to do - just in a sneaky way (in my opinion).  Or is she just really smart?!  :)

I don't really know the answer, but I did look at her and say, "Sophie... thanks for all the ideas, but stop."

I really needed to focus on that grocery list, so I put her to work!  I started reading the list to her, asking her to get me things, engaging her in the mission - Get 3 pears, 2 bunches of bananas, 5 apples, and so on as we went on throughout the store.

Parenting with intention is hard.  It would have been easier to go alone and not have a little shadow tagging along beside me, but I just kept telling myself, " I am doing my best to train her up to be a wife and Mommy!  She is learning patience and stamina - and I am learning to be more patient and intentional."

Now, still... I go to the store ALONE mostly, but on occasion - I'm willing to take few little shadows along.  Someone's gotta teach them!

What are some of your intentional strategies in this area?
below are comments I've posted from MMM readers (for my publishing needs):

• When they were younger (and far less patient!) I would make them each their own grocery list with pictures of food I cut out of the ads. Now they are old enough to help count and bag the produce (example: "Darcy, put 4 green apples in a bag." ) and pick items off the shelves. Not only does it keep them involved, but it's teaching them a lot about healthy choices and food. I'm not saying it's always easy, but then again, parenting isn't supposed to be!

Halftime...

 is the name that was given to the "getaway" Josh and I just experienced together.

We were able to fly to Anna Maria Island, FL for 4 nights this past weekend.

We had amazing conversations - while laying on the beach together - nothing that was planned out - the beautiful conversations just kept flowing out - with no distrations.  It really was amazing.  We were able to reconnect emotionally, practically, spiritually and romantically  ;)

So, you may be asking - "Why halftime?"

Well, we live our lives in semesters, winter breaks, summer breaks, etc - a "teacher style" kind of life.  Josh is in educational administration and is currently working on his PhD, so we follow the school schedule.  We just finished his first semester of his PhD program.  Yes, WE just finished.  I will be very honest and say this last Fall was probably the toughest stretch in our marriage.  And I am glorifying God and shouting - We are stronger because of it! 

But... a "halftime" helps.

Our "halftime" was a few days for us to discuss:

 

What has gone well?
What could we do differently?
What do we need?
What about the kids?
What are our goals for the 2nd semester?
Anything else on your heart?

Ok... Let's Go!  We can do it!

Go, Team St. John!

 Of course, we missed the kids...

 We enjoyed sunsets...

 Many special moments together...

But most of all... reminded of the many reasons why God chose us to be together.

We arrived home fill with peace, focus, gratitude and love - really.

Mission Accomplished.

Dead God,  Thank YOU.  Thank You for the many people who pitched in to make this trip happen for us.  Thank You for being in the center of our conversations (because we know you were).  Thank You for being someone so BIG - who we can trust and surrender every fear, every worry, every challenge.  You are big enough and strong enough to take it all - and You fill us with great peace because of that.   Amen.

Hello...

I'm still here!  I can't believe it's been nearly a week since I've written.  That may be a new record.

We've been partying it up!

Sophie turned 7 and Ian turned 2 over the past few days.

We are good, and I'm looking forward to writing soon.

Today, we will enjoy a lazy "school closed" day.

Coming Soon:

• Birthday Posts
• Homemade Whole Wheat Pancake Mix
• Moment of the Week

Snow White Ballet

 I took my beautiful little darlings to the ballet -

Snow White.

 I love a good date with my children.  It can be as simple as the pet store, the library, out to eat or to the ballet.

Whatever it is, I absolutely love carving out purposeful time and attention for each child.

The girls loved meeting Snow White! 

You are our princesses, Sophie and Halle.

God's Princesses.

And here's all three of our little angels.

Ian, you're not welcome at the ballet.  :)

Not yet.

We're counting down the days...

 until Josh and I get to redeem our Christmas Gift to each other.

 The Gift of Presence and Reconnection...

staying on this beach...

for 4 nights...

Alone.

We've done a Winter Getaway a couple of times before and we've determined - 

This is what we NEED the most -

and this will be our forever Christmas Gift to each other.

The gift of Presence and Reconnection.

It may not always be the beach, but something -

Alone.

"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

Romans 12:2

What would be your ideal day?

aka (we called it)... "Dream Day"...

A dear friend of mine gave us a jar of Dinnertime Conversation Starters for our family Christmas gift!

(totally awesome! I'll share later...)

As we ate dinner tonight, we each took a turn pulling a question out of the jar.

Josh pulled out, "What would be your ideal day?"

I said, "Just a repeat of today."

Halle said, "Playing at school."

Sophie said, "My Charlie Brown Pajama Party!"

I loved Josh's response so much - I decided it was my "Dream Day" as well!

So, here it is:

Josh said, "My ideal day would be me on the beach with my wife with a cooler between us.  All 3 kids would be playing blissfully down the beach (just a little bit away from us) totally happy and not needing anything.  A Grandma would be inside our hotel unit preparing lunch for all.  And we'd have a date that night that we were looking forward to!"

I was laughing and saying, "Wow!  That is PERFECT! Let's plan that this Summer!"  :)

So... it made me think - I wanted to ask all of YOU:

What would be your ideal DREAM day?

Do share!  This will be fun.

perspective...

as i was standing in the kitchen today, I glanced down the basement stairs.  The light was shining brightly through the basement windows right on the hand rail.  I noticed all kinds of gooey handprints and "stuff" all over the handrail.  I immediately thought ewww, grabbed my vinegar and water spray, a fresh rag and starting spraying and wiping all the gooey handprints right off our handrail.  Before long, it was all shiny and clean.

A few moments later, my in-laws came over and I shared how I just wiped all the goobers off of the handrail.  Her face had a dreamy look like "Awww, how cute!" (yes, she thought all the gooey prints were cute) and then she commented on how cute all the little footprints looked in the snow leading up to the house.

So, here's my point - I'm not sure if I'll ever think the gooey prints prints all over the house are "cute".
(maybe I will when they're my grandkids' prints)

But, one thing I do know...

the ewwy, gooey prints are not going to be around forever - and I'm pretty sure when they're gone,
I'm going to miss them.

So, for now - I'll do what I try to do each day.  Cherish where I am NOW and do my best to never wish it away.  I'm in a good place - a precious place.

Thank you, Linda, for the reminder.  :)

The Gift of Water...

 Each year, I try to be creative, frugally green, Christ centered and meaningful while giving gifts at Christmas time.  I LOVE giving gifts to people.  I don't spend a lot of money, but I try to create each gift with lots thought and love - without adding more stuff and clutter to people's lives. 

For the next few days, I will share some of my favorite gifts from this year - and please share yours too!  I always love discovering new ideas.

I'll begin with the GIFT OF WATER.

I found these really cool reusable water bottles and snatched up several right away with this idea in mind.  This is the gift we gave to Josh's boss and 3 secretaries.

It's an empty reusable water bottle wrapped in tissue paper with a homemade tag tied on that reads:

"Please accept this water bottle as a sign of hope.

$10 was given in your name at www.charitywater.org

$10 will give one child clean, safe water for life."

When I go to the store, I've been asking for paper bags.  I'm using the bags to make homemade gift tags.  They are adorable!

Raising a family...

for some reason, tonight was a little more comical than usual, so I thought I'd write.

I was in the kitchen (working) and I hadn't heard Ian in a while...  bad.

So, I walked into our living room (where the Christmas tree is) and Ian had pushed a little rocking chair over to the tree and was pulling off each ornament - one by one - and was soooo proud!  There was a nice pile on the floor.

Next, he somehow got into the refrigerator and by the time I caught him he had apple juice in one hand and ground beef in the other.

Then at bathtime (they were all 3 in there together), Ian decided to pee on the girls.  Well, I'm pretty certain he didn't "decide" to pee on them, since he probably doesn't have much control over that yet...

But, they thought it was HILARIOUS and were encouraging him to keep doing it!  Josh was totally disgusted (I was surprised Josh was so disgusted) so can you just hear what our house sounded like at that point??!!

All 3 kids were cracking up, Josh was yelling, "Ian NO!", I was saying, "Really, you care??"  (you're a man... don't you think it's cool?)

Finally, all 3 little angels were in bed and Josh and I headed downstairs to finish cleaning up the house.  I walked into our "School Room" and the table was covered in crafting materials, Christmas cards the kids are making, homemade snowflakes, crayons, markers, stickers, yarn... you name it!

I looked at Josh through my tired eyes and asked, "What have I done?"

He responds, "We're raising a family."

He's right.  We're raising a family, yes, we're raising a family.

Thank you, Josh, for the reminder.

I love you.

"But I do have control over the tone and feel of our home. I get to use these walls and that door as barrier and create a sanctuary for us from the world."

taken from here.

peace...

it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work.  

It means to be in the midst of those things and still

be calm in your heart.

(unknown) 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A dear friend of mine sent me a card this week with this saying on it.

It settled so well with me because for quite some time, I've been telling myself - 


MY DESIRE IS PEACE - NOT PERFECTION.

I want to be a Woman filled with peace, love and joy-
as a wife, mother and friend.

Some days and some moments it's very hard to be calm in my heart with LIFE going on around me, but it is one of my greatest desires.


What encouraged me is - it reminded me that my life is not going to be absent of noise, trouble and hard work - and I don't want it to be - and don't expect it to be.


But, with the right systems in place - that work for our family - because we need "systems" around here...
we can be calm in our hearts - knowing that this is LIFE and this is where we are right now.  Later on, it's going to be something else we're trying to navigate through - with peace.


So, my goal for each day is - I will breathe deeply and know that God chose me to be a wife and mother to 3 of his little children.  I will accept what comes my way and do my best to remain 

calm in my heart.

(made possible from the love and encouragement from family and friends!)