Monday, January 16, 2012

A little bit of my heart...

I read this today, and I liked it.

About a week after Christmas, I was in a pretty dark place.  I felt exhausted, burnt out and a little depressed.  I think that is normal that time of year - trying to keep up with all the obligations, expectations, social events and being out of our normal rhythm.  My stomach felt very tight, tense and under a great amount of pressure.  I doubted a lot.  I doubted myself.

In these moments of great doubt and a bit of darkness, what's a mother to do?

Well... I finally cracked.  I laid on my bed, face down in tears, cried and explained to Josh how I was feeling.  I felt better after that and moved forward.

A few nights ago, I met with a friend and shared those dark moments with her.

She suggested I sit in quiet, RELAX, and with my journal and pencil ask - "God, what next?  What do You think?" and then write.

There are moments when I feel like I'm failing - my passion turns to pressure - I can't figure out how to fix something - or I'm just in a tired, exhausted, burnt out place.  It's good to know that I don't have to have it all figured out.  It's ok if I don't know what I'm doing.  There's Someone much, much bigger that is in charge.

He knows my special needs and the special needs my children possess!

This mother is choosing to sit down, RELAX and ask Him - "What next?  What do You think?"

By leaning on Him, keeping my face pointing forward, I will put one foot in front of the other, filled with peace that only comes from following Him.

If I lean on my own understanding and the ways of the world, I will live and mother in a dark place.

On my own, I don't know what I'm doing.  But I follow a great Leader who continues to equip and inspire me to be the mother He wants me to be.


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